Lamentations of Severus Snape
by Sweet Valentine
Summary: Whenever Severus Snape looks at Harry Potter, he hates him because the boy looks just like his father.  Whenever Severus Snape looks at Harry's eyes, however, he cannot help but remember the boy's mother. [one shot, spans all books, slight LilySnape]


**I had to do it. Because I love Snape's character so much, and after DH, I'm all for Lily/Snape OTP! Anyway, really angsty and sad, but it's Snape, so what can ya do?**

**I don't own Harry Potter – JKR does. **

_**Lamentations of Severus Snape**_

Whenever he looks at Harry Potter, he only can see James – it's in the hair, the build of his body, the way he moves and speaks. He never sees Lily (rather, he _tries _not to), but on occasion, he'll look into the boy's eyes, and memories of her will flood his senses. And then he'll adjust his focus, and see James again, and it makes him burn with hatred for the boy.

The boy should have been _his_ son.

* * *

The first day of class, when he comes to the boy's name, a small lump congregates in the back of his throat. "Harry Potter," he says softly, "our new _celebrity._" _Only because his mother died_, the thought is bitter in his mind. 

He viciously attacks Harry that class, throwing query after query at the boy – he knows the child has grown up away from magic and wizards, but he doesn't care – he is taking seven years of torture at the hands of James out on the boy. But Harry surprises him – he has his mother's wit, his mother's cheek. And that is too much to handle.

"Five points from Gryffindor," he says, hoping that if he is harsh enough, that trait of Lily's will be driven out of the boy.

* * *

It is Quirrell, Quirrell is doing something, he is sure of it, and his mind is racing as he mutters the counter-incantation. The son of Lily Potter will not die right under his watch! He mutters and grows desperate, but then he feels something hot like fire, tries to feel around for the source, and realized it _is_ fire, and so alarmed is he that he jolts, knocking Quirrell to the ground, before disposing of the blue flames. He looks down the stands and sees bushy hair racing away. 

Ms. Granger was far cleverer than anyone gave her credit for, he muses.

* * *

Even though they'd lost the House Cup (something Minerva will never let him forget, he is sure), he can not help but feel relieved that the son of Lily Evans had a least made it through his first school year alive. 

He chances a glance at the boy, and meets his eyes, and decides he still hates him, though.

* * *

The boy is stupid, careless, rash and an idiot – just like his father. He wants to strangle the child, foolish as he is, he and his Weasley friend are mirrors of James and Sirius, and he is fuming at the idiocy of the two. They were seen, they could have been killed – 

He stops for a moment. He is beginning to feel like a father.

* * *

"Quidditch pitch?" He drawls questioningly. Flint nods. 

"To train our new seeker – you know, the Malfoy boy."

He glances down, studying the parchment. "It says he the pitch has already been reserved."

"By the Gryffindors, but we were figuring you could do something 'bout that." Flint responds, his voice full of steely malcontent.

Well, he reasons as he signs the note of parchment, the boy does take after James in Quidditch; surely he could be spared a practice or two.

* * *

Minerva notices his loathing. "Banning him from Quidditch, detention every other week; you've certainly taken a disliking to the poor boy!" 

He stares at her with his usual register of contempt. But she continues, "It's like you're getting back at the boy for being Potter's son."

She hits a nerve then – because it's true. But, he thinks, it wasn't as if his reasoning wasn't vindicated.

James didn't deserve Lily.

* * *

It was bad enough to have the reincarnations of Potter and Black roaming around the school in the form of… well, Potter and Weasley, but now to have _Remus Lupin_ back as well – it makes him quiver with rage. 

And to have that werewolf make a fool of him – in a manner that now the whole school knew about! Oh, he'd heard about the little Boggart stunt, and was not amused in the least.

It angers him more, when he realizes slightly shamefully that even Lily would have probably found it funny.

* * *

So, he muses, the map was how Potter's group did it. Like father, like son – the boy must have been using this all year, most likely the past 3 years, to accomplish his entire rule breaking. 

But, nonetheless, he would be _damned_ if he let the boy die now, at the hands of a mass murderer and werewolf. The people Lily chose over himself.

The boy could hate him all he wanted, but that didn't change the fact that he still did everything in his power to save him.

* * *

He'd known this was coming, this night, and he realizes now he has a decision to make. How easy it would be, to leave Dumbledore, to leave all those who despised him anyway, to leave the boy, and join back with the Dark Lord. He could do it, he could do it and be revered – only the Dark Lord realized how powerful he truly was! 

Only the Dark Lord… and Dumbledore.

"_Anything."_

Anything. He would do anything to be absolved of his sin, the sin that sent Lily Evans to her death.

He'd have to stay. Help Dumbledore. Help the boy.

For Lily.

* * *

Since the first day he had met Harry Potter, he had resolved to not look directly into the boy's eyes – granted, he knew he had to every now and again, but mostly, he concentrated on James' features… it made it much easier for him to feel unattached. 

"Occlumency?" He glares at Dumbledore.

"He needs it, Severus."

It would not be easy, though. Because he can't stand to look at those eyes.

* * *

He hates Dumbledore, in that moment. But he doesn't have time to dwell on that hate – he has to keep running, get Draco and himself out of here. 

But the Potter boy has caught up. And when he stares into those eyes, he quivers with fear.

There is nothing but hate there, and he cannot stand the thought of Lily's eyes looking at him with hate.

The boy tries to curse him, do everything he can to impede the Death Eater's exit – foolish boy. He tries to give him warning, advice, as subtly as he ca, but the boy's rage will not let him listen.

He calls him a coward.

That is too much. After all he had done, all he had sacrificed. "DON'T. CALL. ME. COWARD!"

He used to be one. The old him was a coward – the one who had let Lily die.

He wasn't one anymore.

* * *

He knows that it is futile. There is no way to get out of it, of getting to the boy, of warning him. And then he feels a white-hot pain, and he slithers to the floor, Nagini's fangs still piercing his neck. Voldemort lets out a cruel laugh. 

And in that moment, he is afraid – he has failed. His vision blurs, there is so much blood, he tries to stop it, nothing is working…

Suddenly, Lily is there. Green emeralds shine down from above him, and his breathing is calmed, and his mind cleared somewhat.

No, it isn't Lily. It's Harry. Harry, looking down at him with those eyes, his mother's eyes, and for once, those eyes do not hold a hatred for him, but rather pity. And for once, he does not notice the jet-black hair or the lanky build of James Potter, all he sees is those eyes, the eyes of Lily Evans.

He wants to say a million things in that moment – to spill out the truth of everything, to apologize, to make the boy understand. But it's the end, he knows, and instead he grabs Harry's cloak and grasps tightly.

"Take...it...take…it." That's all he manages to say.

* * *

Severus Snape dies the way he knew he wanted to, staring into the emerald green eyes of Lily Evans.

* * *

**Just a short little one-shot that was bugging me this morning. I hope you guys like it – please feel free to read and review, tell me what you think! Thanks dears!**


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